It is normal to feel confused and overwhelmed when going through a divorce. Sometimes people make mistakes that cost time, money and their sanity. The usual stress level rises to an almost intolerable level. However, you can take steps to recognize the 5 things to avoid when going through a divorce. Avoiding these 5 things will help you to move on to the next phase of your life in better shape and not bitter or broken.
1. Avoid Failing To Look At The Big Picture
Apply the life lessons you learned about planning for your future. Don’t allow events to unfold and then react to them. This will make you feel helpless and like your life is spinning out of control. Instead, look at the big picture which is where you want to be six months and a year from now. Plan on taking the steps to get there. Look at some “what if” scenarios. Plan for contingencies and the worse-case scenarios. You will then be prepared for all events and especially the ugly ones.
2. Don’t Let Your Mind Be Ruled By Your Heart Or By Your Anger
Emotions should not be the basis for making decisions; logic should be. Divorce is a business transaction. Assets and debts have to be divided. This is what you have after you strip away the heartache, grief, anxiety and a feeling of being lost. Putting all of these feelings on the shelf is important. You cannot and should not minimize the good things you and your spouse had together, but these memories cannot control your planning.
You are experiencing a broken heart and a lot of anger. These emotions often just prolong the inevitable, and they run the bill up. Many of the emotions are based on an unrealistic belief that you can “win” the divorce. A divorce really doesn’t have a winner. Trying to be one only prolongs your chance to move on to a better life. Costly and bitter disputes yield nothing but lingering grief.
3. Letting Someone Else Decide For You
It can be easy to give up and let someone else make decisions for you. Of course, you need legal counsel, but ultimately it is you, not your friends or your attorney that has to live with the decisions made. Divorce professionals working for you is good, but seeking the wisdom of a group can be bad.
4. Failing To Educate Yourself
If you educate yourself about the divorce process and the personal feelings involved, you will feel much better equipped to deal with all of the issues.
5. Not taking time for yourself
Separation can be a lonely place to be, but so can a quick attachment that fails to meet your needs and probably their needs as well. Take time to find out who you are now, and who you want to be. You need to avoid further disappointment.
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